Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
