im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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