I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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