it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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