Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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