Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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