you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize