meet me or not, i'm out of control
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
