How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
