real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
