So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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