how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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