I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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