she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
