She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
