Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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