I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
