Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
