Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
