it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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