you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
