My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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