you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
