I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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