my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
