finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize