I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
