Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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