I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
