Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I will be naked everywhere
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize