My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
