Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
