he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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