i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
