Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
