hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
