Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize