You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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