He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
