garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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