y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Randomize
