today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
