actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
