i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
