Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
