Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.

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(806): View more from Texas

How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?

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(479): View more from Arkansas

This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

his penis was the training wheels of my sex life

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(925): View more from California

his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.

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(754): View more from Florida

Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day

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(858): View more from California

ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL

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(810): View more from Michigan

Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.

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