I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
