That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
