I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
