Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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