booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize