Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
