It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
