So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
