is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
