My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
