you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just cropdusted the office
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
