that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
