Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
