the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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