this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't deserve a penis
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
