how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
