pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
