Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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