A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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