So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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