If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize